My heart’s staying

28 Nov

I’ve been thinking about all the reasons why ‘relationship’ sites may and may not work for single girls like me. Single and content, that is. Single and happy is different from single and resistant… Before we get any further, I have to tell you that I did try the whole thing out for a very brief period. That was a personal exercise, something of a step of humility… That story – later. And I also have to say it was great and some of the guys I met (virtually) were fantastic. They shared my faith, were intelligent, well-adjusted and great friends – and no, they weren’t there as a last resort. There are reasons it might work. But here are some of the reasons why online I-don’t-like-to-call-them-dating services did not and might not in the future! These are honest, real and straight out of my curly-haired head.

Firstly, I am one of those people who thinks that this may be just another context for God to use in meeting the right person. Just. Another. Context. So sometimes, I worry about creating expectations in the people whom I do meet. Some people understand that I really do mean what I say about being friends, honouring God… I am able to refrain from giving myself emotionally and spiritually until I know from God. I try – and the rest of any ability I have is through Christ who gives me strength. But what if the people I am talking to don’t? Sometimes they don’t and they do really expect more than a let’s-see-if-there’s-anything-more-to-it attitude.

This brings me to a frequently encountered problem in mine and – I am glad to have recently found – others’ lives. I am just that kind of girl who will not take kindly to being told you love me lightly. No. Go away! Lol. People are conditioned by advertising and peer talk to assume that because a website is billed as ‘serious’, they are meant to fall in love and confess it right away. Should we not be ‘serious’ in our undertakings in such an area before the commercials tell us to anyway? And shouldn’t being serious entail committing every detail to the Lord and letting him speak to you? If you have ever – ever – felt the twinge of attraction that you feel now… DON’T tell the girl you love her. I don’t care if it hurts to keep it in – you would if you did love her until you knew that God had confirmed it to both of you, until you knew that this was in his perfect will and you would be popping a proposal in a little while! We’re meant to protect the ones you love and even on a sister-friend basis, the protection rule applies! Comprende? 🙂 I don’t think I ever want to hear ‘I love you’ in a romantic sense from anyone but the man that God has chosen for me to marry… I don’t want anything but the forever kind of love. And I don’t want to practise while I wait. I think girls do it to guys too – we treat them like they are our forever, before we know. If my guy (*dreamy eyes*) never shows up – you know what? That’s okay because I have met the greatest love of my life in Jesus. I fell hard when I was 10, and I won’t ever recover… 😉

Another reason is that I am fulfilled and happy. I am living the life God has called me to or moving toward it. I am seeking his service. I am finding fellowship. I am excited about finding my someone, in God’s time! I do worry sometimes whether this is only me – am I insensible to a man’s interest, do I block off falling in love out of fear, am I not stepping out in faith? Am I different from other girls? Am I a block of ice? Haha – this last one makes me laugh. I have some guy friends and I think they would gladly testify that I am not unfriendly, not stand-offish and my family and all my friends will tell you I am no block of ice. I have been known to cry for Disney… ‘Nuff said *sheepish smile* But that goes to prove that it’s not wrong… Some of my reading and interpretation of the Bible have led me to decide on this course… Maybe it helps that I grew up in a fairly conservative, Indian home too! No, I am not a block of ice. Yes, I am just as responsive as girls are to men who show them that they think they’re beautiful and intelligent. But that is as much as I would expect from a brother and a friend. I do not give to everyone who looks at me with interest a special part of my heart. I’m saving it, trite as that sounds. Less trite is the fact that I can be objective and not let my emotions or the magic of the moment lead my head. Maybe I even theorise too much sometimes 😉 But unless you have committed it to God, prayed about it, examined your feelings and know me pretty well to not see me on a pedestal or pick me because of my colour, speech, location or some other such superficiality – yes, I probably am going to avoid you on Facebook and other places. Because I really want to try to honour you and to honour God. Okay? Thanks!

TBC… (I’m out of time!)


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