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17 Jun

I don’t know how to pray. My heart is breaking… in the way it does when you mean it. If you’re a Christian, (woah baby, as my friend and I would say!) you know how hard it is to feel distance!

I don’t know how to pray!

Look on Me.

I don’t know how to pray, what to say, what to ask for…  He knows what I’m thinking. We’ll have to work on my focus! We laugh. I, tearily.

I have all these questions.

Daughter, the questions will always be there. My stomach drops.

The answer is… Me.

The answer is You. You, you are my answer. The dawning is slow, the wonder very big.

I stare. To all the questionsYes, to all the questions.

But will I always be fighting for something? Is it worth fighting for? 

But why couldn’t I have chosen the easy life? I mean I know… it exists. Don’t you? I’ve seen it dozens of times. The doubt creeps in. Maybe I’m not smart enough for the fight.

Because I have called you.

And just like that there is Psalm 46:10, and Jeremiah 1:4 and Job 19:25 and that other little bit, and the other. Until I am sitting here in submission. God.

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