Still

29 Jul

So I’m trying out Five-Minute Friday with Lisa-Jo today!

START

Still, the same breathlessness when I look into your eyes and when your presence is overwhelming.

I knelt on an Indian terrace (the kind that means a flat, tiled rooftop instead of rows of clone houses or levels of crops) and I asked you to please come into my heart. No one in my family told me to do it. I didn’t know if my parents had even. I’d been to a huge meeting that was hard to miss when everybody asked you if you’d been. I’d been healed and set free of my little, ten-year-old problems and I’d been reading… your book of love, and someone’s little foray into a picture of you and ten-year-old-me WANTED you.

I still do. Still I want your whisper in my ear, your eyes that can so easily read the pictures in my tears. Still my heart skips a little, clumsy dance that you want me for your own, that despite all my mess and sin, you’ll have me and you’ll find me a blessing. That I can bless you.

I’m still blown away.

I was sceptical before then; sometimes I still am. It took me a month to get to that point of asking you in, and letting you hold my hand. Warm and firm. And…

I’m still a little clumsy. Still messy. I’m still so unsure of who I am except for those startlingly clear glimpses in the mirror of you. In your image, I know what you see in me. I know me.

The sun was very red and bright that day. Every day I’d look up and see you coming closer. I’ve lost the sharpness on some of those edges a little now.

But I’m still seeking. And you will still be found. In my brokenness, in the most unexpected moments, I can be still and know the God I fell in love with. The same. Still.

STOP

Ummm, okay, I typed one sentence in mostly all caps by accident and did the linkage but apart from that… I stuck to five 😉

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2 Responses to “Still”

  1. Tristi July 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    I love to read and hear about other women who desire God. I was just reading Lysa Terkeurst’s Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl this morning and your post goes along with the part I was reading. Desiring God seems to be the path to living for Him. I love that your words made God appear so real and alive… because He is. Thanks for letting me read your post!

  2. Beck July 29, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

    So beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your heart. It doesn’t grow old does it that God still loves, everyday fresh.

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