Running on impatience

17 Aug

As much as I am reminded that I am sometimes a throwback to ancient times in so many ways, I am also very much a child of my generation.

I want to learn more all the time. I want an open mind. I try to form my own opinions outside of geographical, social and ideological culture with this wealth of access I was born into. I enjoy communication; I enjoy understanding myself in relation to others.

I also want to be entertained constantly. I want to see a new thing every other moment. Sometimes I feel like my motor runs on impatience.

If there isn’t some new challenge, a new game or a video or a book or a chat that’s stimulating, it’s an impossible situation. Ever been there? But where is my inside stimulation – the me that exists independent of all of these social or technological influences? She is, in fact, pretty stimulating, even if I say so myself… So why haven’t I looked her up lately?

The warning is clear. If I don’t, then I’ll soon find the other things boring me to tears and emptiness.

And when I do, then everything I read and watch and hear begin again to edify, to allow the Holy Spirit to break my heart with and stop then to distract. I’d rather be spoken to and through, than crowd out his voice.

And I use this blog sometimes as that altar. Every post raising a stone like those Old Testament heroes – to remember, to honour, to learn and grow.

In my daily quiet time, it is something that I am learning to notice. The challenge of seeking God.

Harder still – the challenge of being still. Of knowing.


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