In the middle of ordinariness

17 Sep

I just had a rather laughable moment with God a couple of minutes ago.

I am sitting here in my study, after an afternoon of wrestling with registrations, subscriptions and everything else to get me started on my intensive course over the next year. I also managed to find a few resources and read one article.

The things going through my head are my need for so much grace, and my sense that He gives, the closest people to call for washing machine repair, the logistics of locking the door to my apartment when I really need to be alone despite living in a community and how that affects my position as a leader, views on women in leadership, the needs of those women, and how to get washed, ready and walking in time for my dinner destination.

Yes, random hotch-potch of mundane and serious issues, as I sit here just… well, I suppose, just doing life. And I was suddenly overwhelmed by God and this intense love for him. It’s a familiar feeling. I know it well. As I am reminded of how much I love this God who claimed my heart so many, many years ago and how I cannot imagine my world without Him, I simply kinda looked over and asked Him why and searched myself for a reason for this surge of thankfulness and love.

Not in so many words. But He knew I was looking for a reason, overanalyzing as I always do. And then He laughed at me. Comfortably, And I laughed back because what made me aware was there all along. Him. His presence. I didn’t need to look far. Just being who he is and being so tangibly here, despite my scatteredness and my absence far too often.

And every time I come into His presence, I say what I always want to say and have no other way to say in my humanness except this, and even then barely, until His spirit takes over in new words – God, you’re beautiful. 

I love how He loves. Without awakening it, until it desires. Until He desires.

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