That girl

2 Apr

It’s been days since I wrote. I know.

I’ve been reading and avoiding reading. And worrying about the future, and realising that oh, He knows so much more than I do. He knows everything.

I’ve also been thinking about all the people that I miss. The fact that everything about this whole course and all the effort and resources depend so much on my getting the data, and of course, successfully not procrastinating for the exams.

And in the middle of all that, I am culturally dependent enough to look at a friend’s photography page and wish that I were that girl.

You know her – with the fire in her hair when she’s in the sun, and the beautiful eyes and the wonderfully poised social interaction. The person everyone loves and admires and respects.

Yes *shame-faced smile*. I’ve been that other girl – you know, the one that’s always wishing instead. The one that looks at stuff and reads stuff with a sort of unhealthy longing, as if my winter of discontent was never made glorious.

For a few days, I’ve reminded myself not to feel inadequate and alone because I am incredibly forgetful of grace. I used to stare out of windows and wonder what it was like to ever fly outside of your country. I cried because I could not (did not) go on a semester abroad and yet it was what God wanted. I used to cry about my family’s struggles as a child.

… And I am here. ME. Because God redeemed that not only to save the lost but to raise the bar as if we’d never stopped moving and moved even faster.

I’ve lived in two (ok, three) countries. Travelled to a couple more. My family has never lacked. And I’ve studied and worked abroad for six years. That’s quite a few semesters there. I have a life that is so much more than I’ve asked for.

So much.

I have so much to be grateful for.

And then I realise that this week we remember that it was ME he died for. And you. Because he made us and he saw that it was good.

You’re not inadequate. You are exactly who he wanted.

Deuteronomy 33:26.

So I’ve come here to say I’m sorry for not writing. Life has taken over, but I’m kinda sorry for when I let anything take over but God.

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One Response to “That girl”

  1. Josh Ingram April 2, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

    Well, welcome back.

    And Happy Resurrection Day!

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